"Its not always easy to talk through a problem with diplomacy. Since we are natural warriors, our animal instinct will rise quicker than our rational mind. So we have to train ourselves to think, before lunging to hurt someone." Rev. Burns
BUILDING COMMUNICATION SKILLS (Marriage Survival)
Good communication is saying what needs to be said, and listening with understanding.
Speaking directly takes practice and skill. Spouses often assume their partners know what they think or feel. Love doesn't make you clairvoyant.
Communication is a two-way street. Don't lecture or talk too much.
Many of us do not listen well when we hear another person speak. As the other talks, we are often judging what is said and thinking what to say next.
The most important thing to do when talking with your spouse is to really try to understand what he or she is saying.
Agreement is less important than understanding. When you do understand, it is helpful to show your partner that you do.
A great way to show you understand your partner is to try to put your partner's views into your own words. This does several things:
It shows that you are really paying attention;
It allows you to check out possible misunderstandings;
For the speaker, it feels great to know that the listener is hearing what you have to say; and
It helps keep conflict from getting out of hand —it's hard to stay angry with someone who is sincerely trying to understand what you are saying!
When your spouse knows that you understand his or her point of view, it is much more likely that you will be able to deal with the situation in a way that is good for both of you.
The above data is complied from The Colorado Handbook on Marriages
SJB Ministries, LLC
Chapel of Love Weddings by Reverend Starlene Joyner Burns
MD Wedding Officiant & Maryland Wedding Minister